The Confrontation Explanation

     I'm sure there are others out there like me...you know, that don't like confrontation. There are several reasons why I think those like me try to avoid it. Some reasons are good and justifiable and some are not, so I have compiled a list in attempt to explain why we do this.


1. We try to avoid confrontations because when two people are together, there will be differences in opinions.

• Right reason. People are entitled to their own opinions. Just because someone else might not like my favorite books, or music, or decorating style, or how I dress my kids or vice versa, doesn't mean they are wrong or I am wrong. We just have different tastes. God made us that way. And, as your parents have probably told you, if everyone had the same taste the world would not function well.

Disclaimer: Some tastes in books, music, dress, etc. are wrong, and those do not count in my example.

2. We try to avoid confrontation because we all have different convictions.

•  Right reason. I pray on a regular basis for God to convict me of what I need to change in my life, and boy does he ever. Just recently He has convicted me to be more respectful when I speak to my husband. Before that it was what kind of foods I served to my family. Before that, God has revealed to me and convicted me of something we would label as a much more serious matter. It is often difficult to make the changes I need to, but I find such joy in knowing I am working toward a goal of pleasing my heavenly Father. However, God convicts different people of different things at different times. Some convictions are individualized for me or my family because it is what God says is good for us. (It is really neat to see when God convicts my husband and me of the same thing at the same time.) Just because He is convicting my family to homeschool, or to eat differently than before, or foster parent, or attend a certain church doesn't mean he is convicting others in my circle to do the same. Then again, many things we as Christians are convicted of are sins that aren't good for anyone. But as I mentioned before, it happens at different times for different people.

3. We try to avoid confrontation because we may be the one in error and we don't want to stick our foot in our mouth.

• Right reason. This is not likely, but I am covering all possibilities after all. Even the rare ones. Oh come on...it's a joke...sort of. Ha! But really, this one is self explanatory.

4.  We try to avoid confrontation because we don't like for people to be upset with us.

• Wrong reason. Sometimes God calls us to speak the truth to people even if it makes both parties uncomfortable. Ephesians 4:15 says, " Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." This one gets me often. There are some things that are right or wrong plain and simple. Sometimes I need to speak up. Many people assume I agree with them on an issue, but I sometimes don't. I find myself agreeing with them or just keeping my mouth closed for the sake of preventing hard feelings (though with some people, I don't mind telling them what I think if they ask me). Usually it is about something that I tell myself doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but it does. God may be using that conversation for me to be a witness and speak the truth in love. 

5. We try to avoid confrontation because we think that others think we have no credibility.

•  We think others think we're not smart, or haven't done our research, or we're not as well studied of a Christian as them.  This one is for those of us with a bit of a self-esteem issue. Some people may very well feel that way about us. But at the same time, others don't. This is a big one for me. I'll concoct all sorts of stuff in my head about what I think others think. Then I think others know I struggle with this, and they really don't think I know anything, but also don't want me to know they feel that way, so they just try to make me believe it's my imagination when it's really not. Yes, I know what I just said, but you can just skip over it. It's not too important. Ha! Ha! 

6. We try to avoid confrontation because we don't like people to talk bad about us to other people.

• Wrong reason. We don't want to be gossiped about. Fact is, it happens anyway, whether we speak up on a matter or not. It may not happen as often as we think it does.  I know I'm paranoid about this. It does happen though. Sometimes it is because of our Christian values. Matthew 5:11 says, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me." Every time, it is because people don't think keenly of our choices.  People may talk bad about us or our family because they know the facts and disagree with them. Or they maybe wrong, and just think they know the facts. I am guilty of this too. God has changed me so much in this area lately. He has shown me time and again that things are not always what they seem. This is changing me in a HUGE way. I am now trying to be very careful not to judge, and I pray that people will do the same for me. Hopefully our other friends know us well enough to filter what they hear about us anyway.

7. It is better for us to let the Lord to fight our battles.

• Right reason. Are people wrong sometimes in the way they treat us or talk to us or talk to others about us? Yes, but we don't always need to jump up and defend ourselves. When God is telling us to hold our tongue, we need to try to do that. Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still."  God will convict those people in His time. We sometimes may know we are right (or think so anyway), and need the opposing party to know that we know. This sort of pride is damaging to a relationship. We are better off to leave things alone and leave the convicting to God. There is a good chance that we don't have all the facts and reasons behind such actions anyway. Even seemingly small things that were said years ago in this manner have not left me. And it was all because someone needed to be right, or better, or prove a point. We are not the Holy Spirit. Let's let the Lord fight our battles. He will do a much better job after all!

     I hope you find this helpful. I began this list for me, but have realized more and more lately that some people share some of the same struggles that I do.
     When I began this particular post, I was writing about a recent trip with one of my little guys (I'm sure you could guess who.)  to the ER . Then as I got to the part about me having to put my big girl pants on and confront the doctor, I realized my readers might interpret my actions incorrectly, and suddenly felt misunderstood. So, I felt the need to explain myself and also think about the real reason I handle things the way I do (right reasons and wrong reasons alike). I wondered if people think I care too much about what others think. That is a misconception. I do want people to agree with me and like me, but not at the expense of disappointing God. I care the most about what He thinks about me. My life would look extremely different right now if I cared what others think of me. Truly, I can think of 8 things off the top of my head that would need to change to be more "normal". I answer to God and not to man. Praise the Lord!
      I have found myself having to step up and confront more and more lately. I feel like God is definitely working on me and teaching me how to step up the correct way for the correct reasons. I am still messing up sometimes, but He will get me there.

By the way, I will definitely get to the post about the trip to the ER.