Would I love him? - Silas' Birth Story

     When Matt and I had been married for about a year and a half, when I was 21 years old, we decided we were ready to have a baby. Immediately after, and I do mean immediately, we were expecting. I was so excited! During my last trimester, however, I began to wonder what I had gotten myself into. I never was a kid person. I would hold babies that everyone would go crazy over, and think "Eh...I'm just not feelin' it". I became terrified that I would not love Silas. I had begun to let that fear consume me.
     Fast foward to the night before Silas' birth. I was at an ornament exchange, and I just started thinking that things felt different. Not physically, but I couldn't explain it. Maybe the game of categories raised my blood pressure. Hee! Hee! Just kidding. (I do think I won, though.) I just felt like life was about to change....soon!  That night I went to bed and woke up in a puddle. A few minutes later, I started feeling the contractions. I had Matt call my Mom (a labor and delivery nurse) to tell her I was in pain. She told Matt to ask me if it was pain I was feeling or just fear? Ummm....I think I may have been a little short in my reply. Sorry Mom, but I was hurting! I won't even mention the fact (or maybe I will) that she asked if there was a possibility that I just peed in the bed. The nerve! She just didn't want me to have a false hope if I wasn't really in labor. Mom did come over and help us time contractions and stuff. She's the best nurse I know.
      I do like to labor at home as long I can, so at about ten o'clock that morning Matt and I were on our way to the hospital. I remember stopping a few times in the parking lot because I had a difficult time walking with contractions. Never the less, it was still quite some time before my baby boy would arrive. I was about 5 centimeters when I got there. Several hours later, I was stuck at eight. And Silas had not dropped.  They informed me I would need  a c-section, and went to set up. Meanwhile, the tears wouldn't cease. This is not how I had hoped things would turn out. My wonderful nurse, feeling sorry for me, got a thoughtful look on her face and said, " Raven, why don't we just see what happens when you push. After just one contraction Silas had moved all the way down and he was born just a few contractions later. Since his cord was wrapped from head to toe like a decorated Christmas tree (which would explain the terrifying decels), I did not get to hold him right away. Thankfully all of the necessary equipment was in the room, so Silas never had to leave my side while they were making him all better.
   Now, back to my fear that I wasn't going to love him. That was DUMB! I loved him with a new kind of love that I had never experienced before (Yes, I know that's what all of you moms had tried to tell me). And I hadn't even held him yet. The nurse told my mom that I just kept crying, repeating the words, "My baby, my baby".  He was able to stay in the room with me the whole hospital stay. I wanted to hold him constantly. The times the nurses did have to take him to the nursery for one reason or another, I would cry and keep calling the nurse asking when they were going to bring him back. I bet they LOVED me. Ha! They probably couldn't wait until I was discharged. It didn't change when we were home either. I never put him down. To this day, I can't let him be gone too long or too far away.
     So, good thing for Silas, God worked it all out. He is loved. I know a few of you were really worried about how this post would end. Well, get a look at this.

Silas Russell
8 pounds 3 ounces
20 1/2 inches long
Born at 8:03 P.M.

    
That was then.......This is now.....